Soul Mates

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Soul mates. The phrase soul mates conjures up visions of that perfect someone—the one and only one. The perfect mate. The one with whom we have spent many lifetimes together. That one person who knows us inside out, who will make every dream come true, who will be the perfect mate. This person will be so tuned-in to us that we will never need to communicate our needs or desires—they will be met as part of our relationship—and we will live happily ever after. In What Happens After You Find Your Soulmate? Susie and Otto Collins explain that, “You still must face your personal challenges but if you're conscious and awake, you can realize that you have a powerful ally to walk beside you on your path to enlightenment.”

Each of us is curious about our soul mate, with questions such as, Who is my soul mate? Am I with my soul mate? Should I be looking for my soul mate? Is he/she looking for me? Is he/she available? We have many soul mates. During each and every lifetime we have created attachments to people who are our soul mates. Even in this lifetime, we are creating relationships with people who will be our future soul mates, like Kevin and Winnie in The Wonder Years. [I thought those two souls found each other.]

Kevin and Winnie grew up, went their separate ways, found soul mates from previous lives, the ones they needed to spend this lifetime with in order to work out the karma they created with them. But, who knows, in some future lifetime…maybe their next? Thomas Moore in SoulMates put it this way, “If it evokes eternity, then the friendship itself remains in imagination for endless time, even if the personal relationship does not.”

So, who is this special ONE that we want to share our lives with? In Only Love Is Real, Brian Weiss’s description is this: “There is someone special for everyone. Often there are two or three, or even four. They come from different generations. They travel across oceans of time and the depths of heavenly dimensions to be with you again. They come from the other side, from heaven. They look different, but your heart knows them. You are bonded together throughout eternity and you will never be alone.”

How romantic! We will never be alone. Does that mean that we will be in ecstasy 365 days of the year? Not necessarily. We don’t always choose a soul mate who will give us unconditional love and understanding. The soul reincarnates time and time again on a quest for spiritual growth. Its ultimate goal is nirvana. To achieve ever-lasting peace we need to learn to love and accept each other. We come to the earth plane to learn and to teach each other. The universe gives us many opportunities, many roles to play, including partners, to achieve this goal. Jean Shinoda Bolen, The Myth of Eros & Psyche, “To be in the Garden of Eden, or to be in Psyche’s valley with Eros, is to be in an unconscious and blissful place. Life is not about staying unconscious and in bliss. Life is about experiencing reality, actualizing our potential selves in the process of going through life that always includes suffering. Consciousness often sets us on a journey.”

Remember Rhett Butler, Scarlet O’Hara, and Ashley Wilkes? What lessons were they learning? What karma were they creating? Scarlet and Ashley found one another in this lifetime and vowed to be together. However, Ashley found a soul mate with whom he chose to share his current life, leaving Scarlett false hope to believe that one day they would be together. Well, as we all found out, not in that lifetime. Apparently Ashley was not completely honest with Scarlett (nor, possibly, himself). It was only after Scarlett was finally freed from the clutches of an imaginary love did she realize that Rhett was the soul mate with whom she should have shared that lifetime. By then, it was too late. Rhett, who loved Scarlett so, set her free. I wonder how these souls will reincarnate? Will Scarlett return searching for Rhett, the soul who understands and loves her? Will Rhett meet Scarlett, recall the pain, and back off, choosing not to commit to a relationship with her? Will Ashley travel the world looking for Scarlett, so that he can make it up to her?

We are not meant to share every lifetime together. Instead, we come together time and time again to work out karmic issues. In Predestined Love, Dick Sutphen states, “The one who learned will not need to come back with the other soul again. The soul still in need of awareness will be paired with another, whose karmic configurations matches his own.”

Dr. Mark Pitstick, in Spiritual Relationships, states, “The issue of relationships becomes very interesting when we remember we each are Eternal Souls. Relationships are not coincidental or unimportant. Think of the thousands of persons we encounter in our lifetimes; why do we form close and lasting relationships with one person but not another?”

Example: A young woman was experiencing depression due to feelings of abandonment in her relationships. Her serious relationship of 3 years ended in tragedy and her most recent relationship, with whom she felt a strong connection, was abruptly ended by him. There were two other relationships in-between, each leaving her feeling rejected, abandoned, hopeless, sad, and alone. Through hypnosis she was able to connect to her higher self and explore the situations that caused her to feel abandoned, sad, alone, helpless, and depressed. In so doing, she found that each of those relationships provided her with important lessons toward her spiritual growth.

From one relationship she learned that all the resources for her happiness were within herself. She learned to love herself, instead of looking for self-worth through the love of another. She also learned that she could trust herself and her instincts, and that she can rely on herself instead of others.

The purpose of the second relationship was to teach her to be strong, to fight back, to defend herself, to keep from coming apart, and to be a survivor. Again, she learned to look inward instead of outside herself for strength.

The purpose of the third relationship was to teach her that she is special, unique, interesting, and intelligent. She learned that she can attract the caliber man she desires, and that she need not settle for less; nor should she repeat self-abusive behavior.

The last relationship combined all the lessons, which brought her to me, where she was able to seek, discover, and understand why these relationships were leaving her with feelings of abandonment, lack of self-worth and self-love. Once she conquered her own deficiencies and embraced her strengths, she was freed of her feelings of abandonment, loneliness, depression, fear, helplessness, and frustration.

Primarily, she found that she needed to love and trust herself, and that she needed to look inward for direction. Once she gained insight to what she needed to learn, and understand why she needed to experience this pain, she was able to accept the learning while letting go of the pain. This gnosis provided her with the courage and strength to integrate her newfound knowledge into her everyday life, making relationship decisions appropriate for her. Last I heard she was in a very happy relationship.

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